“Do not judge the bereaved mother. She comes in many forms. She is breathing, but she is dying. She may look young, but inside she has become ancient. She smiles, but her heart sobs. She walks, she talks, she cooks, she cleans, she works, she is, but she is not, all at once. She is here, but part of her is elsewhere for eternity.” Author Unknown
The quote above was me…is me…especially if you believe, as science is beginning to tell us, that there really is no such thing as time, that time is “layered” on top of each other, that the past, present and future are all happening, right now.
An odd concept to wrap your head around, I know, but in some ways, it makes my behavior more sane. Because, it’s been seven years since my first child died, and although I technically feel “healed” and have accepted what’s happened, if there is no such thing as “time”–at least the way we’ve historically defined it–then I can understand why there are random days when I can be breathing, smiling, walking, talking, cooking, cleaning, working, and even looking young…yet dying, ancient, sobbing, here but not here, all at once. Something as simple as entering a hospital room to see a friend can make me dizzy and faint, swooping in on me like an avalanche, catapulting me back into the past, as though I was the patient in the hospital bed. And like a coward, I sometimes have to run and escape, because traumatic grips from the past can be strong, and although I am here…I am sometimes, very much, still there.
This brings me to today’s blog. Because I have so many new readers who’ve stopped by to bless me with their time, I’ve decided to share, once again, the very first post I made on this website, as many of my new readers haven’t had a chance to read it. It is the story of me, in my hospital room, on the night that my first child died–my past, sometimes my present, but hopefully, not my future. Read my original post to “revisit a teardrop.”
Thank you for “sharing” and “liking” any blog that moves you. Have a special day…♥
Photos on Visualhunt.com. Photo credit: Chris JL on VisualHunt.com / CC BY-NC-ND.