Translate:

Archives

Flutter

Wednesday’s Wildflower…

“The work will wait while you show the child the rainbow, but the rainbow won’t wait while you finish the work.”                                                   Patricia Clafford

 

For as long as I can remember, I’ve had the same exact wish: that my life be blessed with laughter, friendship and love.

I remember looking up at the stars wishing this wish as a young child, pondering over it during puberty as a troubled teenager, chasing after it as a young ambitious adult, and closing my eyes and trying to actually live it as the now me, middle-aged woman who looks back at me in the mirror.

We’ve all been taught that we need money to meet our needs, shelter to protect ourselves from the elements and harm, good nutrition and clean water to keep our bodies healthy and fit, and clothing, of course, to stay warm, clean and accepted in society.

But, if we have laughter, friendship and love first…wouldn’t all of those other things just naturally fall into place?

Think about it…if you’re joyful and laughing, if you are blessed with friendships that both give and take, if you are loved, appreciated and made to feel “whole,” regardless of your personal circumstances, then in most cases, you already feel secure, safe, sheltered, healthy and warm. And for those of us who feel this way, we relax, we believe in ourselves…and things, generally, fall perfectly into place.

I believe that it is when we second guess what our actual needs are that we end up running into trouble.

You and I, we’re human, making each one of us vulnerable to what I call the “human condition.” The fact that, somewhere along the line, we struggle to remember what life is all about, becoming distracted and losing our way in random areas and on all-too-familiar paths. It happens at different times for different people, at varying levels of intensity. The lucky ones recognize it and change their ways, going on to live amazing in-the-moment lives…but others, although perhaps also recognizing it, remain still, stay trapped, contemplating change, yet, in not know how to go about it, they put that change off for “tomorrow.”

For me, strangely enough, this dilemma started with parenthood. If you’ve read my blog before, you are aware that having several children was something that I obviously wanted very much, and worked very hard at to achieve. Yet, I will be the first to admit that I wasn’t always “present” with the one child that I did have. And it hit me one day that, if I’m not present in my life, then…well, won’t I miss it all?

My first son…he cried. I rushed to feed him. Did I even pause to notice the adorable way he puckered up his lips when he was angry?

He needed to be changed. I rushed to change him. Did I laugh out loud at that stubborn habit of his, the way he kicked and fought with his legs when I tried to change his diaper?

He was tired. I rushed to put him to sleep. Did I prolong the experience, look at him, feel him, notice how soft and beautiful he felt in my arms?

As he grew older, he wanted to read books, play games, go to the park, talk and babble, “help” in the kitchen, dance and sing and party all day. Did I join in? Of course I did, sometimes, but I was a nervous mom, and even when I did join in, I was often distracted, consumed in my mind with all of the other things I had yet to accomplish in each day. As a new mom, I got completely caught up with doing things “right.” All of a sudden, parenthood was about providing my son with the perfect meals, the perfect home, the appropriate socialization activities…the best schools.

I look back at myself and wish, quite frankly, that I’d had a persnickety guardian angel right there by my side to lightly shake me awake…to slap my face…to scream in my ear: “WAKE UP!”

Then I lost five children, one right after the other…Gabriel, Boo, Peanut, Pumpkin and Keanu. Five deaths, five wake-up calls…five gifts.

The alarm had been rung. I couldn’t hit snooze anymore. My son was aging, he was growing up. It was time for me to rub my eyes, to clear the haze. So I began to wish the wish that I’ve always wished, from the very start…bless me with laughter, friendship and love. 

I remember the day it happened. It was somewhere in between my first and last loss. My son, Julian, was young, but somehow he knew that I wasn’t “there,” that my body was going through the motions, but that my mind was consumed with useless thoughts and worries. And so he walked over to me that day, placed his hands on my cheeks, held my head still, then moved in close, touching his nose to my nose where we stayed, frozen, for several long moments.

“Hi, Mama,” he finally said, breaking the stare by moving into my arms.

And my wish came true. I felt laughter, friendship and love bubbling up inside of me. In his arms, in that moment, I instantly knew what I needed to do…

…stay.

From that day on, with Julian’s help, I learned to flutter.

 

“The butterfly counts not months but moments, and has time enough.”

Rabindranath Tagore

 

 

Thank you for “sharing” and “liking” any blog that moves you. Have a special day…

Photos on Visual hunt

“How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.”

A. A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh

 

awakeningwildflower Written by:

16 Comments

  1. Bev Donner
    March 21, 2018
    Reply

    I think you had very normal thoughts and you have put them down so well. We all want to do our best for our children and care for them lovingly and sometimes don’t see the meaning of how we rush through things and they grow up so fast. Cherish the memories ! God blessed you so richly with your little son !

    • awakeningwildflower
      March 21, 2018
      Reply

      Yes…cherish the memories, the big and the small. Thanks for sharing 🙂

  2. I think every mom should read this….
    Yes, we often run, run, run and don’t take a moment to realize we need to enjoy all of these moments – the big ones and the tiny ones….
    I absolutely LOVE your writing!

    • awakeningwildflower
      March 21, 2018
      Reply

      Thank you, Aga. I still catch myself running now and then…and then I back off and slow down and go. OMG, I didn’t get much done today! Lol. Oh well, I’m a continuous work in progress, as we all are 🙂

      • March 21, 2018

        Yes, yes, yes! I feel that way all the time. Work in progress is RIGHT on! 🙂

  3. March 21, 2018
    Reply

    Wow! What a wonderful story. One that me reflect on my children’s earlier years…wishing I had slowed down more.

    Thank you for this beautiful reminder to not only us parents, but everyone.

    • awakeningwildflower
      March 21, 2018
      Reply

      I know! If only we could go back in time and try all over again! Live and learn, I guess…and love 🙂

    • awakeningwildflower
      March 25, 2018
      Reply

      Thank you so much for the Sunshine Blogger Award nomination! SO sorry I’ve been slow to reply…under the weather this week, but I’m delighted to have your nomination and am getting to work on it. I was nominated by 2 other people at about the same time, so I plan to recognize you all when I do my Sunshine blog. Hope that’s okay… 🙂

      • March 27, 2018

        I understand being under the weather. I’ve been there for a few days myself. Wow! Congrats on all the nominations 🙂

      • awakeningwildflower
        March 27, 2018

        Thanks! I’m doing a Sunshine blog tomorrow…look for your name 🙂

      • March 27, 2018

        Cool.I can’t wait to check out your nominees.

  4. Erick
    March 23, 2018
    Reply

    I admire your ability to find something positive out of a negative situation!😇

    • awakeningwildflower
      March 23, 2018
      Reply

      Thank you. Yes, there’s always a gift, no matter what life throws at us. We just don’t always see or understand what that gift is right away. It took me a LONG time to get to a place of gratitude that, I am a mother of six children…even though only one is still alive. Each child is a part of me, and has helped me to grow.

  5. todde1018@aol.com
    March 23, 2018
    Reply

    Thank you for the beautiful reminder….don’t forget to smell the flowers

    • awakeningwildflower
      March 23, 2018
      Reply

      Yes! 🙂

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Subscribe to Blog via Email

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 191 other subscribers