Wednesday’s Wildflower…♥…”Forget not that the Earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair.”
I am the queen of Post-it Notes. I put the little things anywhere that I can see them. On the counter…over the kitchen sink…on my bathroom mirror…even on the dash of my car, for those days when I just can’t “think.”
My Post-it Notes may not be typical, however, when compared to what others jot down for their daily reminders. I have a suspicion that my “to-do” list is somewhat unique, based on what I need to properly function in this mind God has given me. Notes that say…
“Be Happy”…”Change”…”Give it up”…”Surrender”…”Love Everybody”…”Be Present”…”Let Go”…or, one of my personal favorites, “This is not loving to me.”
I’ve become so accustomed to notes like this hanging around my house that, randomly, when I step back and look at my home through the eyes of an outside observer, I wonder…Oh my God. What do people think when they come into my house and see all of this???
Do they think that I am healthy? Do they think that I’m insane? Do they think that I am striving to improve myself? Do they think that I’m barely coping, living moment by moment, testing the murky waters with each shaky step?
Because, whatever they think, all of those thoughts would be true, as true for me as they are for you.
The most intriguing thing about this argument is that, the only way to truly know if you’re feeling healthy is to know what it feels like to be unhealthy first. It you’re feeling incredibly sane today, that means that you understand what it feels like to be a little “insane.” It’s like yin and yang…one has to balance out the other. The definition of words mean absolutely nothing if you have no personal comprehension of what the opposite is.
So, I’ve had a few of those shaky days over the past two weeks. Forgive me for being so blunt but, this kiddo is going through early menopause and the hormones that yank me back and forth are unforgiving. Panic attacks? Yes. Feeling out of my body? Oh…yes. But the opposite experience, as well. Moments of pure joy, elation and quiet peace.
So, this morning, when the tickling of anxiety started penetrating my being, I somehow remembered my newest Post-it Note, the one that says…”Just Be.” Ironically, I was meditating when the panic snuck in, and so was calm enough to understand that “Just Be” meant…don’t run.
Stay here. Face it. Look your panic in the eye and ask it what it wants from you. “Just be” with it…without trying to escape.
If you’ve ever experienced a panic attack, then you must know that “not running” from it is, quite possibly, one of the hardest things you’ll ever be required to do.
But on my chair, in the dark, my eyes squeezed fiercely shut, a funny thing happened. Like a heavy blanket coming over my body, starting at the top of my head and moving down to my crossed legs, I felt myself completely relax. I looked out at my anxiety, and it looked back at me, and somewhere, in between, we let go.
Today, my wish for you? Just be.
Photos on VisualHunt.com. Photo credit: <a href=”https://visualhunt.com/author/f7a95f”>alexis mire</a> on <a href=”https://visualhunt.com/re/82cede”>Visual hunt</a> / <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/”> CC BY-NC-ND</a>. Photo credit: <a href=”https://visualhunt.com/author/4fd556″>SAS Photographie</a> on <a href=”https://visualhunt.com/re/82cede”>Visual Hunt</a> / <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nd/2.0/”> CC BY-ND</a>.