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She’s Not Crazy. She’s Hormonal.

 

“Hell is empty and all the devils are here.”

William Shakespeare

 

 

 

I haven’t been blogging as much as normal…I’ve been “forced” to take some time off. Because–holy hell!–it’s called menopause. And here, all along, I was living under the grand assumption that God actually loved me.

I feel like I’ve been at war. Not so much physically, but mentally. And I wasn’t prepared. I had no idea that a “simple” change in life could take over my brain. No one actually warned me. I’m sure that this condition affects everyone differently, but for me–a writer–I’ve found it impossible to think. To organize my day. To function, really. And it’s been terrifying. Panic attacks and anxiety for hours at a time, with no logical reasoning behind any of it. Night after night, no sleep. And the worst of all, is that it affected my eating. I can’t eat when I’m nervous, and with little to no break between panic attacks, the weight has melted off of me. It was when I stepped on the scale the other day, weighing barely 100 lbs., when I really got scared.

Just when I was about to run to the ER and surrender to ANYTHING they could do for me, I had a clear enough mind to contact my Chinese Medicine practitioner who–thank God!–said she could help. And she did. One dose of her mysterious concoction and I was eating, sleeping and thinking again. It was like magic. The disturbing “fog” cleared from my mind, my body relaxed and I felt human again.

All of this got me to wondering…hmmm. Is menopause the reason the cashier at the grocery store tends to snarl at me when I’m slow in paying? Is menopause behind the crazy behavior of the woman road-raging me on the highway? And could it be menopause when, no matter how many times I repeat it, the woman at the coffee shop just can’t seem to comprehend one word I’m saying?

Be nice. Be kind. We have no idea what’s going on with other people physically or mentally at any one moment in time, and if others are like me, they’ll try to hide it. Instead, maybe try this next time you find yourself not “understanding” another’s behavior: take a deep breath, imagine filling yourself with a glittering light, then exhale and imagine that light spreading out to others, covering them in a fine dust. You may be surprised at what happens. Perhaps frowns will turn to smiles, snarls to pleasant alertness, indifference to your existence to awareness that you are there.

Because magic does exist. It was created and lives within the hearts of all mankind. The only person who can destroy that magic is the person to whom the heart belongs.

…many thanks to all of the beautiful people helping me on this new journey, and especially to my sister, Dawn, whose voice on the other end of the phone line kept me from falling too far into the abyss….

Photos on Visualhunt.com. Photo credit: <a href=”https://visualhunt.com/author/6985a9″>Ed Yourdon</a> on <a href=”https://visualhunt.com/re/46c3a0″>VisualHunt</a> / <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/”> CC BY-NC-SA</a>. Photo credit: <a href=”https://visualhunt.com/author/af51d2″>h.koppdelaney</a> on <a href=”https://visualhunt.com/re/a3f2ad”>VisualHunt.com</a> / <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nd/2.0/”> CC BY-ND</a>

“How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.”

A. A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh

 

awakeningwildflower Written by:

18 Comments

  1. June 30, 2018
    Reply

    XOXO You are loved and cared for so much. And God loves you most of all. Blessings to my precious daughter

    • awakeningwildflower
      June 30, 2018
      Reply

      Thanks, Mom. It helps to know you are out there, have survived the journey I’m on, and can instill inside of me a feeling of hope…and peace. 😘

  2. June 30, 2018
    Reply

    Haven’t gone through menopause yet… but every time I get my period, I go through a very dark week. So about a quarter of my life is dark. I question my salvation. I feel despair. I honestly believe that no one around me even likes me. It’s a terrible feeling, so I feel for you 💕 Thanks for your honesty. It’s encouraging to know that I’m not the only one affected by hormones.

    • awakeningwildflower
      June 30, 2018
      Reply

      It’s good to know that we’re not alone, right? Sometimes the hardest, most anxiety producing element is that I have to “hold it together” for my son…so he doesn’t get scared. But I just have to remember that all things pass, good and bad, and that I will survive this.

  3. Emily Donner
    June 30, 2018
    Reply

    I’m so sorry you’ve been struggling, Amy. You’re strong and you will get through this!♥️

    • awakeningwildflower
      June 30, 2018
      Reply

      Thanks, my love, xoxo. I WILL get through it, just wish I was having hot flashes instead of panic attacks!

  4. Oh my friend….I have noticed you were a bit more quiet on your blog, and I was wondering if all is good! Not that I’m glad it’s menopause but I’m glad you know what it is and you were able to find some relief! Sending you lots of positive energy and much LOVE. And yes, let’s be kind – we really don’t know each other’s journey. Xoxo

    • awakeningwildflower
      June 30, 2018
      Reply

      Thank you…🙏 Things do seem to be improving, but it’s slow. My Chinese Medicine practitioner said that the panic may come and go for some time yet until my body reesstablishes balance—and this has turned out to be true as yesterday was another tough one—but that with time, I’ll be back to my best self 😊 Helps to have your love out there…xoxo

  5. June 30, 2018
    Reply

    We don’t know what others are going through. It’s so vital to try and be kind with whoever crosses our path. They are placed there for a reason, and they just need a smile, or a kind word.

    I began going through menopause, and then discovered my breast cancer. The Chemo knocked it right out of me. So, instead of five years of menopause, I only experienced it for two, which is nice. Would not recommend Chemo to accelerate it, but today I’m grateful! Much love to you my friend. xxx

    • awakeningwildflower
      June 30, 2018
      Reply

      Oh my goodness…what journeys we’ve all been on! Thank you for sharing, and health and love to you…xoxo

  6. Cheryl Barron
    June 30, 2018
    Reply

    This made me smile. My mother and I both got mean during menopause. I picture it as the girl you were has been bound and gagged for 40+yrs and got loose. I feel like me again.Word to the wise-loose any weight now,it’ll get real slow from now on

    • awakeningwildflower
      June 30, 2018
      Reply

      Thanks for your words of encouragement 😊 It’s good to know that I will eventually feel like “me” again!

  7. Thank you for sharing this so openly. I feel like this is the one change no one tells us about. Everything else – I have had more than enough advice and example. But the big Change- not a word. Good to know there are options for treatment. So glad you reached out. 💓💓

    • awakeningwildflower
      July 1, 2018
      Reply

      Absolutely. Not everyone will experience panic and anxiety like me, but for those who do, I think it’s important to talk about what the cause is and to learn ways to manage it. Because I know that when you are “in it” that you do feel a bit crazy. Thanks for your thoughtful comment 💜

  8. July 1, 2018
    Reply

    Tough times never last, but tough people do…stay strong

    • awakeningwildflower
      July 1, 2018
      Reply

      Thank you…I will do my best 😊

  9. July 1, 2018
    Reply

    Be nice Be kind Magic exists -> YES. We DON’T know what others are going through, but we do know Love Never Fails. Great post!

    • awakeningwildflower
      July 2, 2018
      Reply

      Thanks Dwight 🙂 Love out to you, as always…

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