“Hell is empty and all the devils are here.”
I haven’t been blogging as much as normal…I’ve been “forced” to take some time off. Because–holy hell!–it’s called menopause. And here, all along, I was living under the grand assumption that God actually loved me.
I feel like I’ve been at war. Not so much physically, but mentally. And I wasn’t prepared. I had no idea that a “simple” change in life could take over my brain. No one actually warned me. I’m sure that this condition affects everyone differently, but for me–a writer–I’ve found it impossible to think. To organize my day. To function, really. And it’s been terrifying. Panic attacks and anxiety for hours at a time, with no logical reasoning behind any of it. Night after night, no sleep. And the worst of all, is that it affected my eating. I can’t eat when I’m nervous, and with little to no break between panic attacks, the weight has melted off of me. It was when I stepped on the scale the other day, weighing barely 100 lbs., when I really got scared.
Just when I was about to run to the ER and surrender to ANYTHING they could do for me, I had a clear enough mind to contact my Chinese Medicine practitioner who–thank God!–said she could help. And she did. One dose of her mysterious concoction and I was eating, sleeping and thinking again. It was like magic. The disturbing “fog” cleared from my mind, my body relaxed and I felt human again.
All of this got me to wondering…hmmm. Is menopause the reason the cashier at the grocery store tends to snarl at me when I’m slow in paying? Is menopause behind the crazy behavior of the woman road-raging me on the highway? And could it be menopause when, no matter how many times I repeat it, the woman at the coffee shop just can’t seem to comprehend one word I’m saying?
Be nice. Be kind. We have no idea what’s going on with other people physically or mentally at any one moment in time, and if others are like me, they’ll try to hide it. Instead, maybe try this next time you find yourself not “understanding” another’s behavior: take a deep breath, imagine filling yourself with a glittering light, then exhale and imagine that light spreading out to others, covering them in a fine dust. You may be surprised at what happens. Perhaps frowns will turn to smiles, snarls to pleasant alertness, indifference to your existence to awareness that you are there.
Because magic does exist. It was created and lives within the hearts of all mankind. The only person who can destroy that magic is the person to whom the heart belongs.
♥…many thanks to all of the beautiful people helping me on this new journey, and especially to my sister, Dawn, whose voice on the other end of the phone line kept me from falling too far into the abyss….♥
Photos on Visualhunt.com. Photo credit: <a href=”https://visualhunt.com/author/6985a9″>Ed Yourdon</a> on <a href=”https://visualhunt.com/re/46c3a0″>VisualHunt</a> / <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/”> CC BY-NC-SA</a>. Photo credit: <a href=”https://visualhunt.com/author/af51d2″>h.koppdelaney</a> on <a href=”https://visualhunt.com/re/a3f2ad”>VisualHunt.com</a> / <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nd/2.0/”> CC BY-ND</a>