Be Here

The Choice

I choose to be happy today,

I choose to be loving today,

I choose not to judge

and I choose not to fear.

I choose to be faithful,

and grateful, and HERE.

Sean Hawk

There are two motivating emotions that govern everything that we do. One is light, and one is dark. One is positive, the other negative. And one is something that we eagerly run towards, arms wide open, while the other we desperately run from and try to escape. Those two governing emotions that all humans share? Love…and fear.

All positive emotions can be categorized beneath love. Things like joy, passion, optimism, enthusiasm, freedom, safety and hopefulness. Similarly, all negative emotions belong to fear: jealousy, doubt, worry, grief, pessimism, anger, disappointment, powerlessness, boredom and frustration. Based on how you use your conscious mind, and on what internal messages you listen to, you are then able to make your own personal choices.

During my attempts to have another child, and in the several years following those unsuccessful endeavors, I made many choices. I’ve been extremely fortunate to have had enough money and resources to try several alternative therapies related to pregnancy, fertility and simple mental health, and try them, I have. Fertility clinics, naturopaths, nutritionists, acupuncture, Chinese herbal medicine, Reiki, abdominal massage, healing touch and other energy healing modalities are on that list, and while all of these therapies have helped–most recently, with mental health–the number one thing that’s helped me the most, hasn’t cost me one single penny. And that “thing” is called mediation.

Meditation is an opportunity to be still, it is an invitation to bask in quietness, and it is one of the few times when you can go inside, to see what you see…to feel what you feel…to hear what you hear. Inner worlds change when we go inside: our heartbeat slows down, our breathing becomes rhythmic and relaxed and our hormones work towards balance and homeostasis. For me, it can become a place that’s hard to leave, and a place I stubbornly return to day after day.

This leads me back to choices. When I talk to people about meditation, there are those who clearly love it, while others continue to fear it. And I understand how the fearful people feel…I used to be one of them. The idea of “clearing my mind” or even allowing myself to investigate what was going on inside of me was terrifying. I would squirm in my chair, struggle with my breathing, think about anything OTHER than what I was doing, and many, many times, I would talk myself out of staying, and I would give up.

Eventually, as time passed and I became aware of how necessary meditation is for my health, I managed to sit still for five minutes. Within a week, I added another five minutes, and as each week went by, I continued this routine until I was up to thirty minutes and beyond. By that time, you could say I was hooked.

I think what I learned in this process, and why meditation became so “easy” for me, was that somewhere behind my eyelids, in the pitch blackness that only I could see, I found…God. And I think God found me.

It’s been said, and I find it true, that prayer is when we speak to God, but that meditation is when God speaks to us. And how can you hear God if you don’t sit still? I’ve prayed my entire life, yet I couldn’t hear. It wasn’t until I grew still enough, that peace began to find its way in.

Namasté…honoring the Light in you, knowing the Light in me, we are one.


Photos on

“How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.”

A. A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh


awakeningwildflower Written by:


  1. Cheryl Barron
    July 7, 2018

    Grief -negative? No, dont think so. I looked to adoption once(apparently we’re to old). There are so many children,especially boys waiting for a home. What a terrible way to grow up feeling unwanted while people spend thousands on fertility.

    • awakeningwildflower
      July 7, 2018

      We thought of adoption too…also too old. Then we considered foster care with the potential for eventual adoption. But I couldn’t do it…the possibility of falling in love with a child and then not being able to adopt it broke me up inside after suffering so many losses. I just wasn’t strong enough to risk “another loss.”

  2. July 7, 2018

    so, so special, we all need to do this. Blessings !

  3. That’s beautiful, Amy. I admit I haven’t done meditation yet. Not afraid, really want to, but just haven’t yet. I think I absolutely must start. Xoxo

    • awakeningwildflower
      July 8, 2018

      May I suggest the book “Natural Meditation: A Guide to Effortless Meditative Practice” by Dean Sluyter. This book was what did it for me, teaching me that meditation can be done with simply one breath, that we don’t have to sit for hours, giving me permission to progress at my own rate and desire. 💕

  4. July 8, 2018

    This was a great reminder that I need to integrate more meditation into my life!

    • awakeningwildflower
      July 8, 2018

      Happy sitting 🙏

  5. I have to admit I am one of the people who fear meditation. I have tried but I get too restless.

    • awakeningwildflower
      July 9, 2018

      I totally get it. I’ve been there, and sometimes still struggle. So odd how we have to “try” to be still 🙂

  6. July 10, 2018

    Indeed. It’s a frickin trip when you start acknowledging all that traffic going on in your head and scary for sure. I totally agree though. Don’t run from those voices. Face them, acknowledge them, and tell them not today. I’m in control …Peace!

    • awakeningwildflower
      July 10, 2018

      We are sometimes our own worst enemies, aren’t we? The mind is soooo powerful. Peace back to you, and thanks for your comment!

  7. July 13, 2018

    I remember this always,
    Psalm 46:10 New International Version (NIV)
    He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
    I will be exalted among the nations,
    I will be exalted in the earth.”
    It helped me. Slowly, slowly, I too, embraced Meditation. Im SO glad I did, I feel more centred and I acknowledge that I needed this.

    • awakeningwildflower
      July 13, 2018

      So glad you are with me on this journey! It IS magical, being still, feeling God in the blackness. The challenge comes in being patient…meditation doesn’t always come easily and as humans we must learn that our “needs” can’t be satisfied in the exact moment we seek it. Sometimes, we have to let go and allow peace to unfold slowly and purposefully. Hugs to you…

  8. July 13, 2018

    Unpacks so much. Being able to breathe freely without feeling boulders lodged in your chest. What will be, will be… I used to tell to myself. In THIS world’s times, it is something that ALL should be open to. Getting hooked on meds is not the answer.
    I will be looking forward to more of your posts.😘

    • awakeningwildflower
      July 14, 2018


  9. Beautiful post. Meditation has so many benefits. I have used it to deal with illness and pain. It’s remarkable. You are so right- we choose. Light or dark. Positive or negative. Hope or despair. Thank you for this reminder!

    • awakeningwildflower
      July 21, 2018

      I love that you’ve used meditation in dealing with illness and pain. I’ve done that also, and am always completely awed how my sometimes severe pain can just “disappear” when I’m meditating. It always gives me great hope, because if pain can disappear in a certain state of mind, then I become aware of how much I “create” pain by focusing on it during non-meditating hours. The mind is SO powerful… Thanks for your comment!!

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